Well all I have still been working through my issues, an HP has been keeping my laptop forever. Which hasn't been helping my mental issues, but I been working on doing music and all that, even catching up on my reading too. If I knew I could still get a outlet and a place that stayed open late, I would just cancel my net service; an just download enough entertainment for the night. But the only problem with that being is I like doing voice chat too, an the library kinda frowns on that. I need to find a real shrink, but my problem is one that I can afford. Anyway one of the ways I will work through a large part of my issues is through martial arts. Also I am going to start doing music again, I know that is a major part that is missing in my life, it took me long enough for it to hit me, but it got through. I know it got me through a lot of hard times, I am going to buy a few albums (that's right I said albums LOL). I would like to get some tech toys too, but that is going to have to wait for awhile; as much as I hate having to wait sometimes. Anyway hopefully I will be on soon and will be able to blog more about some more pleasant things




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Now playing: Keny Arkana - La rage
http://foxytunes.com/artist/keny_arkana/track/la_rage

Well I think the title says a lot about how I feel right now. I want to find that special someone, seems like it will be that way forever, no matter what I do. Some think how great it is to be single, well now I am at the point to where I hate it. I want to find a woman that loves me for me and the same for her. I want real love, a love that is true. But right now I feel like I will never find it. Anyway later on and peace be with you all

Well lately things have been confusing me, about some people (including me). Well I have been wondering why I get the feeling that I am not sure what to make of it. I am going to work on the computer tech blog and on my personal tech bog too; in other words I got a lot of blogging to do. I am collecting articles on Plone, I want to make a dvr too. But with my lack of funds right now, it's going to take a lot of time. But can't get everything you want in life, so I guess just take it as it comes. Anyway that's all for now, later on and peace be with you all.

Well today has been one of those days for me, I have been really down and I know why. Just seems like when I try to find that someone truly special, I mess it up or I end up getting done wrong on it. I am not claiming to be innocent on things, but I know I have made my stupid mistakes on things. But for once I would like to find that special person to share my life with. I feel like I am almost cursed by this, like I will be alone, in the sense I will never find that special someone. Maybe it's me, in the sense that I am paying back some kind of karma debt or something. I don't want this to come out like some pity party, but I just want to find that special someone, I almost feel like giving up hope on it and just live like a hermit the rest of my life. I just feel like I am losing all hope on everything today and I don't know why (if someone could explain all this to me, please do). Anyway till later date, peace and bb

Well today was kind of stressful, but it was productive. I have been working on fliers for my computer club, I got a few side projects going; so it should keep me busy and entertained for a long time. I really want all this to work, I often wonder what the turn out would be if I had started sooner. I guess I will never know, but I know I am starting it now, an one thing I learned is you got to live in the present; because the future is never guaranteed. Anyway later on and peace be with you all...

ok I am still at it, I am trying to find a multi-platform packer (for exe, deb, rpm and dmg). An it's proving to be harder then I first thought, I am not wanting to use something that is open source, an that can do it simply. I think I am going to go with python, an see what I can come up with. So I know I need to get cracking at it, because I want it to work and of course I am going to distribute the code and let people improve on it; an so on. Just I am starting to get frusterated with it all, but I know this is what I want to do. Anyway a lot of other stuff has been on my mind lately. An example is, if I had passed would I even be missed or noticed, an would anyone care? Anyway that's to morbid of a thought to even consider right now, because I am not like I use to be; I actually want to live. I know I got a long road ahead of me to getting my life back on track, because I spent so many years running from my problems. So I am more or less learning to live again, an I don't know what to make of it to be honest. I have many goals I need to reach, but taking it a step at a time. An it gets on my nerves sometimes, because I am use to taking two or three steps at a time. But in a way I guess you could say I am in a race to make up for the lost time. Anyway till later, may you find whatever guides you...

Well all I decided to be more active in my blogs, because I figure I got them at my disposal; I might as well use them. Lately I haven't been on a lot, because I have mostly been babysitting. Which has been a good thing, because it's been a more of a learning experience with me and I have become really attached to the kid.

03/08/2008
Well things didn't work out like I had expected, so I am back home. I been playing around with my laptop. An when I get back online I am going to look up some python documentation, an try to learn coding. I want to do all kinds of coding, like web design, HTML, and so on. I am going to dive back into stuff I want and love to do, I been slacking off for to long. An with the coding, I am going completely opensource. An pass the source code around for anyone that wants it, an if someone wants to hire me for programming then fine, but I will always stick to my opensource roots. So I am going to download a bunch of source code and see what I am going to do, an contribute to opensource projects. I got so many idea's on that, it's unreal. An I been reading some stuff on my faith, which some people think I am going to hell for. But those are usually the people that are doing the opposite, of that their faith tells them to do. I hate not being online or only being online for a little bit at a time. Another thing I am going to dive into is learning other languages, something I have been wanting to do for a long time, so what better time then now! I may get my uncle to drive me to Kingsport Tennessee, so I can use the Internet as much as I want; without having to pay a cent for it. But I think that will have to wait till Monday till I can do that, because if I remember right. The library is closed Sunday or isn't open that long. But it's kind of out of the way to do it and I have to tighten up my security, but small price to pay to get online for awhile. But in any case, like I said things didn't work out, liked I had hoped. But things like this happen, but it stings a little more when it happens to you or someone you love or care about. An something else I have come to the conclusion too, is I am going to start carrying those coffee singles some kind of caffeine with me in my back pack just in case. An just in case you haven't figured out yet, I got a lot on my mind (LOL). Figure try and be productive while I am getting things back in order. But if all goes well, I will be getting some back up and be able to get things settled quickly. But it's going to be tough for the next few weeks (but such is life). An some other things that are on my mind, is how other people treat other people. An one thing I do know is other people have thoughts and feelings too, but with some people they don't think about them. An for the ones that have been hearing me rant about my love life, I want to say I am still on the look out. Hopefully one day I will find that special. I am sure there are other that know what I am talking about and feeling, so at least I can say I know I am not alone on it. Now onto lighter subjects again, there is so much I want to do, an I will be asking for the help of my friends (you know who you are) for help. There is a long story behind on why I don't ask for help much, but I finally got it. An what I had learned was you can't do it alone, everyone needs help along the way and you really find out who your friends are. Basically what I am trying to say is I am working from scratch, an get myself where I need to be. Because where I am at now, is a real mess sadly to say. An thanks to my family and friends, who stuck by me through all this mess. I know all this may sound selfish, but if I was to tell anyone about my past, they would understand where I was coming from on it. I don't regret any of the mistakes I have made, because I have taken them and learned from them. An I am making my life a drama free life, because I am truly tired of the of all the drama. I am ready to get on with living, truly living and I can say I have been doing that. I took a major chance, that didn't work out, I know not to make the same mistake again with that person in question.


03/10/2008
Well I am going to attempt to start a local computer computer club, kind of like “The Homebrew Computer Club” back in the day. It would be a lot easier, if I had a net connection at my house right now; but if all works out I will be doing be on the net. I want it to be family friendly, also regardless of OS; the club will be sticking to the open source ethos. I am hoping to get it to where no one is in charge, but we are group of people sharing information and so on. An example being modifying source code, or making a new application to try out all together. Another one is hardware modifications, someone may have found a new way to overclock their cpu, that is less straining on the rest of the system and so on; you get the idea. I am in the process of making fliers for it, hoping they turn out alright. An yes, FLOSS will be promoted at every turn. Anyway I am really excited about it, because I want to be able to free the knowledge; really get a chance to empower people. An with me, I will handing out Linux distributions; for people to experiment with and if they like it hopefully they will continue to use it. Enough rambling on about that. I am bringing to settle back into my old surroundings and getting stable again, still waiting for something to happen with some my family. But hopefully it will soon and I will be able to put everything into action. Till later on all.

There are a few IT Companies that truly are screw ups, I wont being naming names. But to my friends I been talking too, you know what company specifically I am talking about. There are a lot of companies that only support Microsoft OS's, I am still trying to figure out what happened to freedom of choice! If I had wanted to keep the Microsoft OS on my laptop, I would have not switched to Linux. An the tech support is appalling, the one's that even half way know what they are doing only know windows, an for someone that doesn't want to use windows and already know what is wrong; it's vary frustrating. Whatever happened to hiring people that knew what the hell they were doing? Anyway I am going to be taking care of this, I am going to get my point across.

Well a new year with new possibilities, I am working on getting my laptop and servers up and running again; it seems like I go through DVD burners a lot, plus my web server needs a new power supply unit. An all that takes something I don't got right now MONEY. But things will be getting better on that end. But as far as the rest goes, all is looking good, so far I managed to stay out of the mental hospital over the holidays. Anyway so far all is good, later on and many blessings...

10/12/2007
Well now that I am being more open about my faith, when people ask me online that is. Not a real safe environment for me to say where I am at now. That's one of the things I always liked about living near Washington D.C., because I could be honest with a lot more people about it. Well onto other things I been working on some Linux programs, like squid and I even got mandriva 2008 and it rocks. It needs some work, but nothing I can't handle. Which I am going to learn more about coding, so I can make my own tools and release them in opensource with source code. So when I do get it all setup, I will be releasing it to anyone that wants them, modify them and so on. I want be able to contribute to the opensource community.


10/13/2007
Why is it I always get stuck living with people that always get on my nerves, an this going around I got talked into living with this person who shall remain nameless. But it seems like I always get talked into living with this person, its like I am damned if I do or damned if I don't. Anyway onto other things, I been listening to “off the hook” again, I got some of the podcast. An with some of the tools I got under Linux, I can record it to a somewhat higher bit rate, 128kb which is better then waiting for them in 16 kb rates.

Well for the people that I haven't talked too, its been a interesting week to say the least. An without having to go into details, I will say this I have a new prospective on things. I found some hacker videos on youtube, I thought would be interesting to add. One is more recent and the other two are kind of dated, but still relative.

NBC Dateline Reporter flees Defcon 15



Interview with Kevin Mitnick



True Confessions of Hackers




Enjoy...

09/14/2007
Well I put a post about putting on my livejournal about turning to paganism. I hope I made the right choice by letting the world know. I am working on making the right choice for me, an I know this may sound selfish, but I need to work on me and make the right choices for me. Anyway, I been working on more tech stuff trying to learn what I can.


09/16/2007
Well I installed linux on my laptop, doing the appropriate updates and so on. now I need to figure out how to get the wireless, cam and mic to work; an I will be golden. Well its later in the day and I am feeling bummed out, plus kinda stressed. I been trying to get the wireless to work on my laptop and that has me kind of stressed, not sure why I am bummed; not exactly sure why I am bummed out. Anyway I am going to try an change my mood, I find my blogs and personal journals are a good tension breaker for me. Things have been going crazy where I am and I don't mean with me. Anyway I found a good video about the beginnings of defcon, which I hope to go to one day. I am getting more into computer security. Hopefully I will get a good job in IT and be able to do something. I am still working on my search for my faith, the more I study other faiths, the more I come closer to finding what works for me. An I think I am getting closer to it, if that makes any sense.


Jeff Moss - Defcon beginnings

I know this may seem silly, but I had to add this.

Chad Vader - Chocolate Rain

Well I am on a touchy subject now, I am thinking about changing my faith and I know I may get a lot of flack for it. Anyway I am thinking about going the paganism route, but I am going to look more into it and see if it's right for me. Plus I got another vid to show it to people about wifi. Anyone got any comments or suggestions on it please feel free and, peace be with you all.

System - Wifi

09/07/2007
I am sitting here thinking about what to write, I am rebuilding my program archive again. I am not sure what happened to it when I burned it. But it didn't burn all the programs I am reorganizing and downloading newer programs again. I am upgrading my laptop, I just need to look for the drivers for it and other programs for it which one be a problem. I am going to add mostly open source software, like openoffice and so on.


Faith Hill - Mississippi Girl





Skindred - Nobody




Los Lobos - La Bamba

here are some videos I found I hope you all like that



Los Lonely Boys and Carlos Santana - "La Bamba"



Faith Hill and Carlos Santana - breathe



Los Lonely Boys - heaven




DJ Sammy - Heaven (techno version)



Santana feat. Wyclef Jean and The G & B Product

I got a new laptop yay me, I am going to go wardriving with it, I found something on and I hope anyone reading it likes it.

Beijing wide open 08/20/2007

08/26/2007
Well my isp did it again, I will be without the net till the 28th of this month. If they weren't the only one isp I could get in this town, I would just go with someone else. I can't even make a home server with the isp I use now. When I move again (which I hope I will be soon), I am going to find a better isp then I do now. One that supports a home server and has better service. Anyway enough ranting on about that. I thought since I will be offline for a few days I would make it useful. I cleaned out all the junk that was on my computer and now I got everything smoothly, now all I need to do is install updates and a few more programs, then I will pretty much be all setup and ready to go. I am thinking about when I do setup a home server, is installing installing a distributed computing program on it. I know that I have time now to update my blogs, I have plenty to say; but when I am online I it seems like I can just tell people how I feel about something and usually the word just spreads from there. I am going to work on some html too while I am offline too, although, I will have to search for some stuff (if I want to add youtube video and so on), when my isp gets back up. An I need to download my mp3's again off one of my friends server (Chad your still the bombdotcom homie).